What do you do?

What do you do when you meet someone who you connect with more in 2 weeks than anyone you have ever met before? You can spend 24/7 with them without getting annoyed. You talk of topics such as the universe, science, relationships, psychology, and everything in between. You listen to each other's perspectives and learn from each other. You share each other's past and you both have gone through a lot so you get each other. You talk about your dreams and you get each other's humor and joke and laugh for hours. You become best friends and there is a chemistry like none other. In those two weeks he tells you that he loves you as a person, he feels something with you that he did not feel with his ex that he spent a decade with, you meet his family twice and he raves about how much they love you and he says he can see y'all being friends forever. Both of you have bad past experiences with relationships so you don't want labels, you simply want to go with the flow and enjoy each other's company. At times you don't feel like you deserve someone who enjoys spending so much time with you because you have rarely had that before. You are blown away by how much he goes out of his way to help you, offers up his home when you are in need with out any questions asked and lets you be a part of his family when you can't see your own. Because that kindness has not been shown to you before.  And the way he looked at you and smiled like he was looking straight into your soul and not just looking at your body, wasn't something you often experienced.

But then you become a distraction when he has to work. Tension rise and you do things and say things you don't mean. You would give anything to go back and do things differently to not cause harm, you can't stop thinking of the things you would do differently to only be the positive light he so deserves because that is what he has been to you. And you are impulsive and text him non stop because little things remind you of the great experiences you had and memories are floating in your head. You miss him. But not just him, all the amazing people you met through him- roommates and friends and his family. And his dog and even the racoon he caught when you were going on a hike. But he blocks you because you didn't give him the space he asks for.  What do you do?

You are thankful for the experience, more so than 2 weeks should ever mean to someone. You send good vibes his way and hope for the best. You pray to the universe with space and time, you can reconnect. And even if no reconnect happens, you wouldn't take those 2 weeks back because you gained so much than you could have ever imagined from being around a person you connect with that much. He made you feel valued, loved, appreciated, understood and for that you will always be thankful for. The memories will always be with you.

And I can use this experience to help others.

“Everything that is tearing us down today will become a memory, and this memory will be shared as an anecdote or a story or a poem or a play or a warning. It will be shared with another human being, who will then understand that he is not alone in his sadness. This is why we show up for others and tell our tales and listen to others. The great congregation meets daily, and you are someone’s angel today.”

Darkness to Light

Hello Darkness, my old friend
Why do we have to meet again
Depression is heavy
Like a big black bear sitting on your chest
It is like being lost in a cave
It is like the bitter cold on a winter night
The warmth of the fire inside can't even help
It is negative thoughts and feelings
That can't even be chased away with gratitude
It is knowing others have it worse
But that just leads to guilt
It is a desperate desire to fight to feel better
But a lack of motivation and energy to do what needs to be done

It is only when you learn to surrender and sit with the feeling
That you even have a fighting chance

And with acceptance comes the light
Feeling better is like seeing a rainbow through the clouds
A glimpse of colors amongst the dark
The light comes slowly
And then all at once
Like headlights blaring in your face as a car comes towards you on a deserted road at night
Like accidentally staring at the sun on a bright sunny day without sunglasses on
It is the feeling of the warmth on your skin on the first day of Spring
The weight is suddenly lifted, with a sigh of relief
A intense feeling of gratitude to feel light as a feather
Thankful that the lightness brings the ability to laugh so hard that your belly hurts
And the voice to sing again
Or do a silly dance

And then you vow to never let yourself spiral so far down in the cave ever again

Home

Home is:
The smell of pluff mud in the marsh
Going across the Ravenel bridge at sunrise and being amazed at the vibrant colors
It is palm trees swaying in the breeze
And the taste of honeysuckles in spring

And a little bit of southern charm,"bless your heart"
It is the sand between your toes, the smell of salt water, the warmth on your face and wind in your hair as you watch the waves roll in and out on Folly beach
And always funky vibes and laid back beach bums

It is jamming out to Grateful Dead music or reggae vibes at The Pour House and going to the Sunday brunch Markets on weekends.

It is strawberry picking in the Spring

It is the taste of boiled peanuts at a river dogs game and watching fireworks on 4th of July
It is oyster roasts and riding carnival rides at the fair in North Charleston in the fall
And don't forget fright night at boone hall
It is the festival of lights on James Island in the winter and wearing shorts on Christmas Eve because it is still 80 degrees

It is watching sweetgrass baskets being made  at the market downtown and learning about Gullah
Taking a stroll to the battery, admiring the colors or rainbow row and dipping your toes in the pineapple fountain

It is the rich history of  the holy city ,pirates, plantations, and unfortunately slavery but beautiful architecture

It is the taste of shrimp and grits melting in your mouth and sweet muscadine wine from Deep Water Vineyard

It is sweet childhood memories of growing up in one of the top tourist destinations and taking for granted what a unique and beautiful place it is until you grow up and know what it is like to live somewhere else

Favorite moments in Africa

When I think of Africa I think of:
Waking up to the sound of Lions roaring in the distance
Feeling the rough skin of an Elephants back
Hearing a cheetah pur as I pet it's spot
Walking to breakfast and seeing giraffes eating leaves off trees in the distance
The speed of cheetah racing past me
A green iguana laying on my hand
Finding out that hippos can swin fast when  protecting their territory
The brightest reds, yellows, and oranges that I've ever seen in a sunset
The sight of a pack of lions waking up from a nap at Kruger national park
Standing up on a surf board for the first time
The adrenaline rush of jumping off a cliff
Swimming with dolphins right beside me
Walking through the blue city
The taste of mint tea
Riding a camel in the Saharan Desert &
Gazing at the brightest stars I've ever seen before
 Playing soccer with little children and their smiling faces of grattitude
Yeah I could get use to this
These are some of  the moment I felt most alive
I need to go back

Cliff jumping

Climbing up a mountain
The anticipation killing me
And then
Going up a rickety ladder
Fearing for my life
It would be so easy to fall right now
But then the warm embrace of arms helping me up
Standing on the edge of cliff
Contemplating if I want to jump
Feeling excitement and fear at the same time
Should I jump?
What if I don't jump far enough and fall on a rock?
So many questions swirling in my head
Pats on the back and encouraging words
 " You can do this" they say
Oh gosh, here goes nothing
I jump
Wow, will I ever hit the water
splash
What a relief
I did it!
I'm proud
So this is what it feels like to be alive
"Please let me never forget this feeling" I think to myself

Surfing for the first time

The rush of excitement as I stand up for my first time on a surf board
The feeling of gliding in the waves as they come crashing towards the shore
And the smell of salt water
The sounds of cheers encouraging me on
And in Mozambique of all place,
When I grew up by Folly Beach?
I felt alive
"Yeah this is what I want more of in my life" I thought to myself

Cheetahs in South Africa

Did you know a cheetah pur's, yeah just like a cat
Imagine that
The feeling of the fur as I pet her spots
Who would ever thought that I would get to pet a cheetah
And hear it's soft pur
Pass the ball around with one, like it's a house cat
And learn how to make their food
The fear and bewilderment that stirs inside
When i drop his plate of food and whip away before he eats me instead
Being able to watch them speed past me at 58 miles per hour
So sureal, what else can I say?