Anxiety,
Depression, Attention Deficit Disorder, Cerebral Palsy. Sometimes I feel
like I have it all and it gets so heavy. 1 and 6 adults experience a mental illness throughout their life, so you are not alone. It is easy to go on a downward
spiral when everything builds up without realizing it because of burnt out. Burnt out doesn't even have to mean that one is doing too much, it could mean that they just aren't doing enough that brings you joy and passion. Mental Illness is real and just as hard to control or cope with as physically disabilities. It it is not the fault of the person who has a mental illness,
although it can be hard to not feel like it is sometimes. Research has found that mental illness have huge biological and chemical factors but can be triggered by traumatic events. Mental Illness does not mean weakness, in a way it makes the person stronger because they have to deal with a lot more than an average person to get through a day. It can be hard
to not let fear cause being paralyzed in knowing what to do next or how to feel better. One reason I write this blog is to reduce the stigma around mental illness. Anxiety can especially be hard when in the 20's and trying to figure out what you want to do next or wish to have has done more than you have but the Irony of is it that the 20's are still so young that most people don't have it all figured it out then. What makes it even harder is social media, where comparisons can be a never winning battle
that just robs people of joy, because it makes it seem like everyone else is happier than you and have their life together, although it is often a facade or it doesn't show the whole picture. The person who could look like the most attractive person who has it all together, could really be struggling with themselves behind closed doors. It is hard in the day of social media when comparisons are
all around us. Taking breaks from social media can be a must.
I am highly sensitive person, a characteristic in 20% of the population and that means I process things more deeply and can get overwhelmed by sensory over load more easily but it also gives me the strengths of creativity, intuition, being able to understand and emphasize with people, and my appreciation for the little things. Since it is so rare, it is easy to feel lonely and misunderstood. I do my best to take responsibility for my emotions and not over react but another battle this sensitivity causes is not caring too much what people think, letting things go, as well as not being hard on myself. I am my own worst critic. When I feel like I am being judged or have conflict with someone, I shut down and it is hard to open up to people. But people will judge you no matter what and at times it can be more about how they feel about themselves or they have nothing better to do and want to fit in too. Caring too much of the perception of others is also silly because everyone is more focused on what they have going on in their own life anyways. It can be hard not to care because feeling connected to people, loved and understood can be so important for happiness but the people who matter accept you for who you are. So might as well embrace who you are because it matters more how you feel about yourself.
Although my normal self is more optimistic, bubbly, and happy, I am still naturally more reserved and it can take me longer to be myself around some people. I can envy extroverts because I love being around people and talking to them. I love deep conversation and people that I can be goofy around and remind me not to take things too seriously. But I get bored with small talk easily and stare into space or look around a lot. Sometimes my anxiety and depression cause me to withdraw from people or become more awkward and paranoid that they are talking about me, although when I'm at my best I embrace my awkwardness. Normal is a myth, we are all a little weird haha. When I let depression build up, I can't hide my feelings either, I go from being my bubbly and happy self to feeling and looking lifeless. My latest struggle forcing things that I don't want to do when I'm unhappy became impossible enough that I needed to take a break from everything to reset.
But in my reset I realized that my depression and anxiety, although partly biological and chemical is also do to my external circumstances. I was trying to force myself to do the things we are taught to do, be practical. Go to school, get an education, find a job. If you can't find a job that you are happy with the degree you have, go back to school and get another degree or settle for a job that just pays the bills because you need to do that to survive. Although some people are lucky and find a job that they love without worrying about too much education. Me, not so much, that I am really passionate about anyways. I decided to go back to school to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant because I wanted to use my experiences of having cerebral palsy to help other kids who have physically disabilities. But going back to school was harder to get the motivation than I thought. OTA requires a lot of math and science courses and those are just not my subjects, even though I could love the career once i got into it, It could also be like another career I tried ABA( although a great and rewarding job that I learned a lot from, it ended up being more travel and paper work than my brain could handle). But I may try to go back to OTA in the future.
So now I realized that my adventurous soul needs a more creative and fun type of job. So I have decided to go with what will make me happy and start planning to find a job on Coolworks.com or other resources like it for my future, where I can combine my adventurous nature and helping children who have disabilities or maybe even learn something new. If you love adventures like me I highly recommend looking into it, also Workaway is a great website to find work exchange programs abroad as well. Moral of the story: don't feel like you have to always do the practical thing that society has taught us: get a job, pay the bills and die, settle for an average life. I spent so long trying to do the practical thing and in my comfort zone( besides some travel volunteer experience with work away and ISV that I'm thankful for) when I really want to just go out and explore the world while I'm young. Of course you do need money to do this, with a little dedication it may not be as hard as you originally think to save depending on your circumstances. Even though, some may have more privileges that make it easier for them to make it happen, it doesn't mean that you can't, it may just take a little more effort. There is more to life than settling for a job that just pays the bills, although there can be extraordinary/ meaningful moments in and satisfaction with the every day life of settling down, having a family, and stability too.
You can find adventurous and meaningful work that pays your bills. Going the adventurous route may be scarier and not have retirement benefits or the stability but that is why you should go for it while you are young and healthy. Who needs retirement when you are still healthy enough to work and you love your job because it gives your purpose?
What I learned from my personal experience is to just do what makes you happy. And if you think your mental illness (mostly anxiety/depression) is only due to biology and chemicals and you are losing hope, i suggest to take a look at your circumstances as well and see if there is anything you can change, although easier said than done, it could make a huge difference. It has for me and I am so thankful for that. On a side note other factors I have found to be helpful in dealing with mental illness include: meaningful social connections, exercise, yoga, meditation, eating a healthy diet, and volunteering. As well as counseling and medicine if it comes to that too.
Welp those are my thoughts on mental illness, if you made it this far... thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol
I am highly sensitive person, a characteristic in 20% of the population and that means I process things more deeply and can get overwhelmed by sensory over load more easily but it also gives me the strengths of creativity, intuition, being able to understand and emphasize with people, and my appreciation for the little things. Since it is so rare, it is easy to feel lonely and misunderstood. I do my best to take responsibility for my emotions and not over react but another battle this sensitivity causes is not caring too much what people think, letting things go, as well as not being hard on myself. I am my own worst critic. When I feel like I am being judged or have conflict with someone, I shut down and it is hard to open up to people. But people will judge you no matter what and at times it can be more about how they feel about themselves or they have nothing better to do and want to fit in too. Caring too much of the perception of others is also silly because everyone is more focused on what they have going on in their own life anyways. It can be hard not to care because feeling connected to people, loved and understood can be so important for happiness but the people who matter accept you for who you are. So might as well embrace who you are because it matters more how you feel about yourself.
Although my normal self is more optimistic, bubbly, and happy, I am still naturally more reserved and it can take me longer to be myself around some people. I can envy extroverts because I love being around people and talking to them. I love deep conversation and people that I can be goofy around and remind me not to take things too seriously. But I get bored with small talk easily and stare into space or look around a lot. Sometimes my anxiety and depression cause me to withdraw from people or become more awkward and paranoid that they are talking about me, although when I'm at my best I embrace my awkwardness. Normal is a myth, we are all a little weird haha. When I let depression build up, I can't hide my feelings either, I go from being my bubbly and happy self to feeling and looking lifeless. My latest struggle forcing things that I don't want to do when I'm unhappy became impossible enough that I needed to take a break from everything to reset.
But in my reset I realized that my depression and anxiety, although partly biological and chemical is also do to my external circumstances. I was trying to force myself to do the things we are taught to do, be practical. Go to school, get an education, find a job. If you can't find a job that you are happy with the degree you have, go back to school and get another degree or settle for a job that just pays the bills because you need to do that to survive. Although some people are lucky and find a job that they love without worrying about too much education. Me, not so much, that I am really passionate about anyways. I decided to go back to school to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant because I wanted to use my experiences of having cerebral palsy to help other kids who have physically disabilities. But going back to school was harder to get the motivation than I thought. OTA requires a lot of math and science courses and those are just not my subjects, even though I could love the career once i got into it, It could also be like another career I tried ABA( although a great and rewarding job that I learned a lot from, it ended up being more travel and paper work than my brain could handle). But I may try to go back to OTA in the future.
So now I realized that my adventurous soul needs a more creative and fun type of job. So I have decided to go with what will make me happy and start planning to find a job on Coolworks.com or other resources like it for my future, where I can combine my adventurous nature and helping children who have disabilities or maybe even learn something new. If you love adventures like me I highly recommend looking into it, also Workaway is a great website to find work exchange programs abroad as well. Moral of the story: don't feel like you have to always do the practical thing that society has taught us: get a job, pay the bills and die, settle for an average life. I spent so long trying to do the practical thing and in my comfort zone( besides some travel volunteer experience with work away and ISV that I'm thankful for) when I really want to just go out and explore the world while I'm young. Of course you do need money to do this, with a little dedication it may not be as hard as you originally think to save depending on your circumstances. Even though, some may have more privileges that make it easier for them to make it happen, it doesn't mean that you can't, it may just take a little more effort. There is more to life than settling for a job that just pays the bills, although there can be extraordinary/ meaningful moments in and satisfaction with the every day life of settling down, having a family, and stability too.
You can find adventurous and meaningful work that pays your bills. Going the adventurous route may be scarier and not have retirement benefits or the stability but that is why you should go for it while you are young and healthy. Who needs retirement when you are still healthy enough to work and you love your job because it gives your purpose?
What I learned from my personal experience is to just do what makes you happy. And if you think your mental illness (mostly anxiety/depression) is only due to biology and chemicals and you are losing hope, i suggest to take a look at your circumstances as well and see if there is anything you can change, although easier said than done, it could make a huge difference. It has for me and I am so thankful for that. On a side note other factors I have found to be helpful in dealing with mental illness include: meaningful social connections, exercise, yoga, meditation, eating a healthy diet, and volunteering. As well as counseling and medicine if it comes to that too.
Welp those are my thoughts on mental illness, if you made it this far... thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol
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