Work in Progress
Saturday, August 2, 2025
Recent Reflections
Saturday, July 26, 2025
Intuition
Intuition
It took me years to trust it
I owe it to my friend Derek, RIP
He helped teach me to trust myself
People are readable
And so is energy
Our emotions are our guiding system
They work together with our intuition to send us messages
All you need to do is...
Be still
Be quiet
Listen
To your inner knowing
All the answers are within you
Anxiety
It's our body telling us that something is not right
Something is off with the place we are in
The people we are surrounded by
Or maybe we are behaving in a way that is not aligned with our values
Depression is our bodies way of telling us that we have not listened to our intuition for far too long
I heard that you know it is intuition when it doesn't come from fear,shame, or guilt
And that is when everything clicked for me
Your head is loud
It operates from a place of fear, shame, guilt
Your intuition is quiet
It operates from a place of peace
Doing what is best for you
Trying to get you to your best self
A higher frequency
What I've come to realize is that not listening to your intuition is self abandonment
I don't want to abandon myself anymore
Friday, July 25, 2025
Society is fucked up
Men are taught emotions are weakness
Women are taught emotional intelligence
Women are called "dramatic" or "too emotional" by men who don't know better
Women aren't crazy, we have been invalidated by men for so long..to the point that they only listen when we are aggressive about it
Men are praised for having sex
Women are chastised for it
Women are treated as we are less intellectually and physically
Women are treated as objects, like we are only meant to be looked at and used
Not heard
Not valued
Men feel entitled to take what they want and discuss and objectify our bodies
This sends a clear message that women are not worthy of safety and respect
Not even allowed to have the right to choose what to do with our own body (abortion rights)
Relationships
Tuesday, July 8, 2025
Trauma
Trauma
I used to hate that word
It felt dramatic
Yeah I've been through some shit
But no not trauma
It wasn't that bad
I dismissed all of it
Because other people have it worse
I didn't see that ironically
Dismissing it was a trauma response
Sometimes trauma isn't loud
It's not always being physically harmed
Sometimes it's losing your mom at way too young
Sometimes it's a thousand tiny paper cuts of ableism
Whispers "what is wrong with her?"
"Why does her hand look so weird?"
"Why does she walk like that? "
She is using her disability as an excuse
It's being ghosted by the first friend you had from preschool to age 14
Guys picking on you if they thought you liked them in middle school
Because how embarrassing it is for the disabled girl to like you
Finding out one too many times that you cannot trust the people you thought you could
Like not even your boss at work
It's being excluded
Other times it is loud
It is being yelled at
Being made to feel like your responsible for other people's emotions
When someone takes out being mad at themselves on you-projection
It's small things that you accidentally forget to do because of your adhd being taken out of proportion
And then being kicked out of your house and someone being mad at you for it
Being assumed you have bad intentions for how your brain works in a more forgetful manner
Sometimes it's quiet like being ignored and misunderstood
Sometimes it is loud like being taken advantage of and being made to feel like you are the problem
Saturday, July 5, 2025
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I was 18 years old before I realized that other people saw me as pretty
But still took years to really believe it, I remember telling my first bf " only you think that" when he tried to compliment me
I remember being shocked that people wrote that they thought I was pretty in my yearbook senior year
I never thought people could see past my CP/ shy girl persona
Only few and far between got to see my true fun loving goofy self
I learned that making myself small, quiet, and nice made it so I got picked on less
But I sacrificed people getting to know who I really was
I thought my baby dinosaur hand/ lucky fin/ bad arm plus limp would disqualify me as beautiful on the outside so I focused on the inside
Plus I look like I have a black eye if I don't have make up on lol
But that's the thing, people don't see your flaws the way you do
You may magnify them and make them qualify you as a reason that you are less attractive or worthy
But other people don't see it that way
Sometimes your inner beauty shines through to your outer beauty
To be able to look at yourself in the way that the people you love do would be a blessing
You may just find the things you hate about yourself are actually what makes you so loveable
Maybe your quirks and flaws are what makes you beautiful
Because we all have imperfections
What a beautiful thing it is to realize that you are worthy just the way you are as your most authentic self
What a beautiful thing it is to realize that no one can hurt you with truth you have already accepted about yourself and are working on improving
Monday, June 30, 2025
Disability Pride 2025
Whenever I post about disabilities it is to make this girl proud ( my younger self). She did not know how to speak up for herself. She did not know she was beautiful just the way she was.
I always felt like I had to work extra hard to prove I am just like everyone.To prove I am smart, capable,strong,and independent.
July is disability pride month and I'm not going to lie some days I am far from proud. Some days I have internal ableism " the only real disability is a bad attitude" and " others have it worse", I tell myself. The problem with this is that it minimizes my struggles .“Life as a disabled person is actually somewhat difficult. We do overcome some things. But the things that we’re overcoming are not the things that you think they are. They are not things to do with our bodies. I use the term “disabled people” quite deliberately, because I subscribe to what’s called the social model of disability, which tells us that we are more disabled by the society that we live in than by our bodies and our diagnoses.” Stella Young
Some people have treated me as if I was less (intellectually and physically) for having CP. Other people forget I have CP and are harsh when I'm not living up to certain standards. While others call me " inspirational". Being called an inspiration is not the compliment you think it is though, it is objectifying disabiled people for the benefit of able bodied people, to say things could be worse. But, disability isn't a bad thing.
"Disability doesn’t make you exceptional, but questioning what you think you know about it does.” Stella Young
Without Cerebral Palsy I wouldn't be me. Cerebral palsy has given me a unique perspective and insights that I could not have gained any other way.
“If there was a cure for cerebral palsy I would not do it because this is me, this is my life” Josh Blue