Trauma

Trauma

I used to hate that word

It felt dramatic 

Yeah I've been through some shit 

But no not trauma

It wasn't that bad

I dismissed all of it

Because other people have it worse

I didn't see that ironically 

Dismissing it was a trauma response 

Sometimes trauma isn't loud 

It's not always being physically harmed

Sometimes it's losing your mom at way too young

Sometimes it's a thousand tiny paper cuts of ableism 

Whispers what is wrong with her

Why does her hand look so weird 

Why does she walk like that 

She is using her disability as an excuse 

It's being ghosted by the first friend you had from preschool to age 14

Guys picking on you if they thought you liked them or found out you did like them in 5th grade and middle school 

Finding out one too many times that you cannot trust the people you thought you could like even your boss at work 

It's being excluded

Other times it is loud

It is being yelled at

Being made to feel like I'm responsible for other people's emotions 

When someone takes out being mad at themselves on you-projection 

It's small things that you accidentally forget to do because of your adhd being taken out of proportion 

And then being kicked out of your house and someone being mad at you for it

Being assumed you have bad intentions for how your brain works in a more forgetful manner 

Sometimes it's quiet like being ignored and misunderstood 

Sometimes it is loud like being taken advantage  of  and being made to feel like you are the problem