Impact

 You never really know the impact of your words, actions, moments, connections sometimes until much later if ever. Every word, action, moment leads to something- an infinite amount of possibilities , leaving ripple effects for an infinite amount of time, the butterfly effect. Small things can have huge impacts. Actions lead to behaviors that make up pieces of who we are and moments lead to minutes, hours and days that make up our life.

Positive thoughts, words, and good deeds can matter to people more than you think and have positive impact on others lasting much longer than you think. The compliment or feeling of love and appreciation can stick with someone much longer than you realize. You never know what someone is going through and a little bit of positivity could have meant a lot and made more of a difference than you believe. But the same goes with negative words, action, or deeds. These can also impact people a lot longer than you think causing feelings of inadequacy or depression, or distrust and etc. Even deeds you do unintentionally causing harm, despite your better judgement because you let emotions take you over or logic leave your system can last longer than you thought or cause more negativity than expected. No matter how much you wish you could take it back it already left its mark and impacted your life. Even something  small can be a huge mistake and lead to castrostropic and devastating results like a loss of a life,job, home or even not so huge mistakes can change someone's perspective of you and lead to a loss of a friendship.

Connections, moments, compliments or acts of  kindness and etc can mean more to or impact  some people more than others. Some people say what they are feeling in the moment but the feeling doesn't last, while other people say it and mean it more unconditionally or less easily wavered to change their feelings about someone. Even when feelings or connections don't last, that doesn't mean that they are any less real, meaningful or impactful. 

Since we don't know the way our actions and words can impact others at what extent and the ripple effects, the best thing to do is to be as intentional as possible with your actions to make sure you leave a positive impact on the people and places of this world that you touch. If everyone really considered how much their actions impact this world and the ripple effect of intentionally trying to have a positive impact, the world would be a much better place to live in.

Note to self: Don't be so hard on yourself

 Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself because : 

And this is why you have to go easy on yourself, you are stuck with you and at the end of the day you are all you got. The only one who you can't leave is you.

It can be hard to forgive yourself when your mistakes caused harm to others, caused you to lose a job or lose a friend.

But beating yourself up and dwelling on your mistakes does nothing to help. 

You deserve all the forgiveness and love you give so easily to other people.

Don't go so easy on yourself that you make the same mistakes and never learn your lesson but don't punish yourself forever either.

You can't rewind and start over to undo your mistakes. 

All you can do is learn from them, grow, improve and do better next time.

The universe has a way of throwing the same challenges your way until the lesson is learned or triggering the same wounds until you learn to heal your wound and respond with peace and not react with the insecurities of your ego.

Some of my wounds I am learning to heal from and not trigger me are feelings of being misunderstood, ignored, or abandoned.

What do you need to forgive yourself for and wounds do you still need to heal?

Answering these questions will help you forgive yourself and others, become a better person, and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Forgiveness

 Some people see forgiveness as weakness

I think it is quite the opposite

It takes more strength to forgive than hold a grudge

It takes empathy, kindness, and compassion

It brings peace to the other person to know that you no longer are angry with them

That you accept their apology, leave it in the past, and understand that like you, they are only human

They are imperfect and make mistakes

Forgiveness helps the person you are forgiving, sure but..

Forgiveness is often something you should do more for yourself

To not waste time and energy holding a grudge and letting anger control your actions and behaviors

Forgiveness is saying that "your actions, words and behaviors no longer have power over me or my emotions"

Forgiveness is saying " I rather live in a beautiful state of happiness, love, and peace"

I have never been one to hold a grudge

I am all for forgiveness, love, light and second chances

Although forgiveness doesn't mean you have to give that person a second chance

If you have given too many chances before 

They continue to take advantage of your kind heart  

Only continue to hurt you and do the same thing over and over again out of bad intentions

Then you have every right to cut them off

Some people never channge

But some do 

Some use their mistakes to grow and improve

Maybe second chances can't be handed out freely 

Maybe they have to be earned

My motto has always been if their apology is genuine

They prove they have learned, grown, and improved 

And they care about making it right, then giving another chance is okay

It can take a lot of strength but it can be worth it to give that person grace 

Because you would want the same grace shown to you when you unintentionally hurt someone you care about too

We all hurt each other at times, sometimes even unintentionally.

It all about finding/deciding the people who deserve forgiveness because they have shown forgiveness to you too

If that person brings you happiness, light, love and supports your growth

 I say hold on to them 

Don't let accidents or unintentional harm cause you to lose a valuable bond

Those types of people can be rare to find

But if they only drain your soul and bring drama and negativity to your life

Then let them go

Forgive but don't let them to continue hurt you

You deserve so much more

You deserve happiness, love, peace, positivity and people who want to see you shine

You deserve those who want to water you to help you grow, improve, and make all of your wildest dreams come true

Anxiety

Anxiety sucks 

Almost  all of these are things I have dealt with my whole life

It can be exhausting

Especially when you look fine on the outside but in your head you are going crazy

With constant thoughts and worrying

You try meditation and yoga and they help some

But other times it is impossible to focus

Exercising can calm the effects

But it only last so long

The worse is when it pushes people away

Because you are obsessive about never doing anything wrong or causing harm to anyone

And when you do, you can't stop your brain until you make things right

Because your anxiety is so bad it effects your physical well being

you feel physically ill when you make people mad, conflict and being yelled at will be the death of you

knots in your stomach, lump in your throat, heart sinking and racing, headaches, exhaustion from insomnia, excessive sweating, lightheaded ness and much more flood your system

To cope sometimes you eat too little or eat too much, other times you can even drink too much or sleep too much

You can be desperate to do anything to just get out of your head and make the thoughts stop

You wish you could be anyone but yourself so you don't have to deal with it anymore

But when you criticize yourself 

Or try to push it away 

It just gets worse

Sometimes you just have to accept the feeling and let it flow through you

To survive another day and ease the pain away