I have a dream

 I have a dream that one day no one will wake up thinking today is a good day to shoot up an elementary school with a bunch of innocent children in it. With the way this world is heading it's a lofty dream but maybe  just maybe if enough people have the same dream it just may come true. This is why I want to work in the mental health field , their is obviously so many things wrong with our society and the way we treat each other that an 18 year old old thought this was a good idea.

Blame it on my ADD baby

 Blame it on my ADHD baby

Idk where to start 

ADHD sucks 

And common to also have anxiety due to having to deal with the stress ADHD caused 

Plus having CP, that's a triple whammy

And even depression when I'm really not handling it all well

ADHD is so misunderstood

And so common

I didn't know I had it until I was adult

But always wondered what was wrong with me

Always felt so misunderstood

I always felt inadequate or not very smart for my carelessness, forgetfulness,inattention to detail, impulsiveness

Or lazy for procrastinating or avoiding certain things and getting distracted easily

But then hyper focusing and fixating on things that interest me...for me that was psychology, soccer, traveling, nature, music

Later to find out people with ADHD actually tend to have the same IQ as everyone else or higher IQs

When I found out about ADHD it may seem like I used it as an excuse for everything

I understand not wanting the label because of the stereotypes

But for me it really was an explanation

What a relief

It finally made sensese why I was the way I was

Although my psychiatrist never formally diagnosed me because he said. testing it was too expensive and dealing with my anxiety would also help my ADHD. So he just treated that but medicine never worked for me/ I didn't like it

I always hide my hyper side because I always feared coming off as extra, annoying, or too much. I learned quickly in school that I was different than others but it still came out in other ways. And it is common for women to not get diagnosed because it effects them differently or they are better at masking it

I just had so much enthusiasm and felt everything more intensely- classic symptoms that went under the radar

But it effects everyone differently

Predominantly Inattentive Type – requires six (or five for people over 17 years) of the following symptoms occurring often:

• Doesn't pay close attention to details or makes careless mistakes 

• Has trouble maintaining attention on tasks or activities (e.g., long lectures or reading assignments)

• Doesn't seem to listen when spoken to directly (i.e., seems preoccupied or zoned out)

• Doesn't follow through on instructions and fails to finish tasks and activities (i.e., may start tasks but gets easily sidetracked)

• Struggles with organizing tasks and activities or loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. has problems with time management, scheduling, and keeping up with tasks and materials)

• Takes the "path of least resistance" and avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort over a long period (i.e., this is often unintentional and more of a cognitive style) 

• Easily distracted 

• Forgets daily tasks such as chores and errands. 

Predominantly Hyperactive Type - requires six (or five for people over 17 years) of the following symptoms occurring often:

• Fidgets with or taps hands or feet or squirms or moves in seat

• Can't stay seated (e.g., in classroom, workplace, meetings) 

• For children, often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate—for older teens and adults, this may be limited to feeling restless

• Unable to play or participate in leisure activities quietly.

• Always "on the go" or acts as if "driven by a motor"

• Talks excessively or blurts out an answer before a question has been completed

• Has trouble waiting their turn in line

• Interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., cuts into conversations, games, or activities, using other people's things without permission)

For a combined type diagnosis, the individual must have qualifying symptoms from both symptom categories.

Combined type is definitely me, I check every box

I am still learning how to accept and love myself despite ADHD and the best coping mechanisms

Learning to embrace it instead of hiding it so I can be my most authentic self but easier said than done

I've learned to take accountability for my short comings and be  brutally honest about my flaws in order to grow and improve and also show others it is ok to do the same

All I know is that you can't judge it unless you have it, it is harder to control than neurotypical people think

Mom

 She had the dorkiest sense of fashion.

But the best sense of humor, always tickling me in pictures I have of us together and teaching us to laugh at ourselves. 

She gave the warmest hugs and best advice, that always made me feel loved and comforted me when I was sad. 

She had the most beautiful soul and kindest heart.

She loved red velvet cake, Fleetwood Mac,  collecting hess trucks, and going on vacations with us to ski or snorkle.

She took care of us so well, she was the best mother.

But not just my mother, she was my best friend, favorite person and the best one I will ever know.

This is what I remember about my mother, sometimes I wish I could remember more with the 12 years I had with her but now I've had more mothers days with out her than with her. But today reminds me to be thankful I had this amazing woman as my mother. 

Please give your mama a little extra loving today for all those who can't <3 happy mothers day!